Most young women remember when, as little girls, they used to run around dressed as princesseswaiting for their Prince Charming to come find them. This was followed by the dream that they would marry, play house and live happily ever after. They would dream of the day when they would have their own little babies, and they would make sure and take good care that their babies would grow strong and healthy. This was NOT me.
I don’t know what it was, but as a kid, I wasn't the typical boy-crazy girl. I didn’t daydream of getting married, and I most definitely didn’t want children. Even as a teenager, I wasn’t ever really into having relationships.
Here is the truth. I didn’t really want to write about being single. I feel like I don’t quite understand what the big deal is. I don’t feel like I’ve been dealt a bad hand, "condemned" to waiting for my future husband. This is the truth. I do want to eventually be married, but more than being pushed into a relationship because people want me to be “happy” or to be “complete”, I want to be whole… whole in my relationship with Jesus.
Have you ever thought of the fact that when you get married, you have to become part of another person to make a new “whole” in the natural? All this work of growing up, building your character, being happy with who you are, then you have to go and start all over again? Just thinking about it all is exhausting! On top of that, statistics on the number of marriages that end in divorce don’t look too pretty, not to mention the unhappy marriages we have all seen. To top it all off, we must consider the fact that our generation has commitment issues, because a large portion of us grew up with parents getting divorced. I'm not saying that marriage is the worst, I'm just saying that it is not something that should be taken lightly.
In a time of total transparency, I have recently felt like I am finally open to getting married. As many others, I get really impatient when I want something. The following has helped me to keep everything under control:
- You will never have this season of singleness again. We all know the loneliness that comes with being a missionary and not having a companion. Allow yourself to get to know Jesus better. Allow Him to help you get to know yourself better. Imagine trying to become one with another, and not knowing who you are. How does that even work? Get out there and enjoy the fact that you don’t have the responsibility of providing for anybody but yourself. Get out, see the world, make new friends and most of all, enjoy your life!
- There is absolutely nothing you can do to get married sooner. So many will rush into marriage because they can’t wait to be “whole”. When it is time for marriage, you will be married. Trying to get there sooner than when you need to be there, just results in making mistakes or settling for someone that will not be able to walk with you in your calling.
- You aren’t the only one. Stop thinking that you are the last single person in the world. There are so many other missionaries that are still single and need the same encouragement that you need to not give up. They are of all ages, backgrounds and are full of passion just like you.
- You are worthy. Just because you didn’t get married at 20 years old doesn’t mean that there is something wrong with you. Don’t allow yourself to fall into depression because you aren’t recognized like others. You are a special bunch. Not just anybody deserves you. Not just anybody can see how amazing you are. Wait for the person that will see your value.
Executive Assistant to Executive VP of Ministries